[Quick edit. My original math was flawed. There were only 13 games so everyone has one less loss than I thought. Apologies -- The Management]
Week 4 of the NFL season and week 1 of In The Now Pick 'em was a rousing success with four teams stepping to the plate and putting their prognosticatorial reputations on the line. Three of the four teams surpassed .500 with yours truly bringing down the bell-curve.
But at least I had comments for all the games, unlike a certain other team.
My team, henceforth known as Team BisonWeb was 6-7. My predictions and original thoughts are preserved with comments afterward either explaining what I was thinking or mocking my choice.
ATL @ CAR Carolina Their defense is playing better and I think they can handle an improved Atlanta team. [RIGHT! Julius Peppers looked like he stepped it up this week.]
CLE @ CIN Cincinnatti Cincy stepped up against the Giants and Cleveland has serious questions on offense. [WRONG! I thought that Carson Palmer would play. This is why people who are good at this kind of thing look at the injury report.]
HOU @ JAC Jacksonville It breaks my heart to go against the Texans but they have too many questions on offense and have real problems stopping the run on defense.[RIGHT! But so, so wrong on why. Stupid Jack Del Rio, using Houston's penchant for 4th down gambles against them! YIKES! At least they made it close and forced overtime.]
DEN @ KC Denver Home-field advantage doesn't mean that much when you're as bad as the Chiefs are.[WRONG! Herm had 'em ready to play and Johnson took off his Huggies and managed not to crap himself. 198 yards! WOW!]
SF @ NO New Orleans I like the way the Saints play on offense. I also don't think San Fran is all that good.[RIGHT! I have nothing else to say here.]
ARI @ NYJ Arizona Despite being a long way from home all week this week, I think that Boldin and Fitzgerald will give the Jets fits. [WRONG! Okay, Brett Favre is now Jesus. He's even old enough... well, almost.]
GB @ TB Green Bay Not really sure who to pick here but I like what I'm seeing out of Rodgers. [WRONG! I underestimated the impact that Graham would have. But I am glad they won.]
MIN @ TEN Minnesota I hate Tennessee way too much to take them over the visiting team. I think that Peterson is going to run Fat Albert into the ground.[Looks like maybe my head was up my butt on this one. Tennessee scares me.]
SD @ OAK San Diego They came out angry on Monday night. They might be a little drained after getting their first win of the season but I doubt it'll matter much.[It didn't matter much. Oakland sucks.]
BUF @ STL Buffalo Will St. Louis win a game this week? [Buffalo still doesn't scare me. I like Edwards, though.]
WAS @ DAL Dallas I hope Washington beats Dallas but the Cowboys are looking really, really good this year.[Need to start guessing with heart. Head is stupid.]
PHI @ CHI Philadelphia DEFENSE WINS CHAMPIONSHIPS [Note to self: Bears have good defense too.]
BAL @ PIT Pittsburgh Both have solid defenses. Pittsburgh's got the better offense and they're the home team.[Too close. Missed most of the game. Another overtime shocker.]
On to Cliff who was 9-4 this week. Good job, Cliff! Not that I won't be mockful of yours too!
ATL@CAR - Carolina. My darkhorse pick from the NFC this year. Atlanta's played better than I expected, but the Panthers are a better team. [Dark horses are good. They're playing well on defense and the offense is actually carrying the team. Go, go Jon Stewart!]
CLE@CIN - Cleveland. Cincinnati's joke of a defense looks like a good remedy for a struggling offense. [Not the remedy you'd hoped for but they got the W.]
HOU@JAC - Jacksonville. If they can run the ball, they can win the game...it's that simple. And I think they can run the ball on Houston.[Yeah, they can run it on 4th down. Trickerous cowards.]
DEN@KC - Denver. A team of retarded, legless monkeys would be the odds on favorites against KC this year. Tyler Thigpen? Are you kidding me?[DAMON HUARD! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!]
SF@NO - New Orleans. The Saints are pretty solid. The Niners are beating up on the injury riddled and the crappy. New Orleans is neither of those.[SOLIIIIID! Deuce had a good day, too.]
ARI@NYJ - Jets. I see a close game, but I see a Jets win that will give their fans a ridiculous sense of hope, making the inevitable failures to come that much more painful (and fun to watch for the rest of us).[Close... PSHH Pleeease!]
GB@TB - Green Bay. Packers come out pissed off. Tampa counters with Jon Gruden making the 'immortal' Brian Griese throw 7000 times again, then scowls for the cameras. Good team...or crappy game plan and overrated coach...I choose the good team.[Let's hear it for Ernest Graham!]
Min@Ten - Tennessee. As much as I loathe the Titans, and question how the Hell they keep winning, they probably will again. It's Gus Frerotte for Chrissakes! [Kerry Collins is better than Vince Young.]
SD@Oak - San Diego. Oakland defines chaos, and Al Davis looks like he eats babies for fun. Plus, San Diego has the power of an asswipe quarterback. In the battle of an asswipe vs. a baby eater, the asswipe wins, because the baby eater has no effect on adults.[Asswipe 1 - Baby eater 0]
Buf@StL - Buffalo. Trent Green will have 3 concussions by half time, then come out for the 3rd quarter in a Joe Montana jersey, thinking he IS Joe Montana. He's not. [Loo made a game of it but not enough. I think KC did enough to get out of Ditka's doghouse, though.]
Was@Dal - Dallas. Seriously, this team is scary right now. Come on, world, bring on the hookers and blow to bring this team down! [Hookers and blow, made to order. Also, Laron Landry over the top to shut down T.O.]
Phi@Chi - Philly. Actually a bit of a tough call, because we don't know Westbrook's status. Overall, though, Philly's the better team. I cannot choose a team starting Devin Hester at wide receiver against a team with a respectable D. [Well, you tried.]
Bal@Pit - Pittsburgh. This one's going to be close, because the Steelers are banged up. Still, I cannot pick Joe Flacco over Ben Roethlisberger, a man who not only possesses impressive abilities to bang drunken floozies, but a man who also can collide with a car AND WIN. [OVERTIME! That's as close as it comes.]
Team Death Metal went 8-5 this week.
ATL@CAR - Carolina. [Right, o Brief one.]
CLE@CIN - Cleveland. [Right, o Brief one.]
HOU@JAC - Jacksonville. I'm sorry, Liam. [I'm sorry too, Sean. But you were right. So was I.]
DEN@KC - Denver. The Eskimos could beat kc. [Funny that the only one you were verbose on was WRONG!]
SF@NO - New Orleans. [Yay! Stupid niners.]
ARI@NYJ - Arizona. Sadly.[Wrong. Happily.]
GB@TB - Green Bay. [Nah. Tampa Bay. Battle of the bays. Tampa Reigns Supreme. Green Bay changed to Loser Bay.]
Min@Ten - Tennessee. [Winnisseee.]
SD@Oak - San Diego. [Sean is a big Phillip Rivers fan.]
Buf@StL - Buffalo. [Jeans. Boof-a-lo.]
Was@Dal - Dallas. [Further proof that Seattle is Loserville.]
Phi@Chi - Da Eagles. [The Bears must have had Mini-Ditka on their side.]
Bal@Pit - Pittsburgh. [Jeremiah is shedding a tear of joy somewhere.]
Dr. Kyle went an unbelievable 9-4 this week, spoiling Sean's greater-than-.500 week and tying el Cliff for the week's lead.
If you're going to tell me how I did, why not play?
ATL @ CAR: If it was ATV vs CAR I might pick ATV, but since it's not, give me CAR.
CLE @ CIN: All football is sin, right? Let's take CIN. [If football is a sin, do they play it in Hell? If so, book me a ticket right now!]
HOU @ JAC: Hugh Jackman? He wouldn't be special without JAC. [Yeah, but did you bet on the Michigan Wolverines to win last week?]
DEN @ KC: Anyone who takes on KFC is a loser, so KC.[Kyle is the only one to pick KC this week. When you visit Edmonton, I will buy you a bucket of KFC to celebrate.]
SF @ NO: Just say NO. [YES! YES! YES!]
ARI @ NYJ: Gotta go with the ninjas on this one NYJ.[They sliced up Arizona's defense to the tune of 56 points.]
GB @ TB: Brits get tuberculosis, die queeny! TB [Not tuberculosis but a sprained shoulder that ended a comeback bid.]
MIN @ TEN: Ten is more than the minimum, so TEN it is. [I need to figure out how you come up with this crap.]
SD @ OAK: Only one is strong, like a tree, and it's OAK. [I think they have dutch-elm disease, though.]
BUF @ STL: Buffalo Steele, romance archaeologist... Oh yeah, he's BUF.[Digging up all the bones of the women he's loved - and killed.]
WAS @ DAL: It was the daleks all along, DAL. [You picked WHO to win?]
PHI @ CHI: Unlike Tai-chi phi-chi isn't cool, at least it still has the CHI.[phi-chi, tai-chi, chai-tea, whatever, you got it right.]
BAL @ PIT: who doesn't love to play in a ball pit? And it's no fun without the BAL. [But you underestimated the Pit Bull.]