100 things? Really? Wow.

In the spirit of ripping-off that has become the great legacy of In the Now, here are my 100 things about me:

1) I was either named after the singer Liam Clancy or not named after him, depending on if you talk to my mom or my dad
2) I first got drunk at the age of eight. I haven’t been drunk since.
3) My brother once shot me with a B.B. gun. I really don’t think he knew it was loaded. His response to my cries of distress? “If you tell anyone, I’ll shoot you again.”
4) I think I like Johnny Bravo more than I like The Simpsons.
5) I have no feeling on parts of two fingers and part of my right ankle. I stabbed myself through the hand while separating beef patties and surgery took care of my ankle.
6) People falling down generally makes me laugh.
7) My grandma once chased me around, both inside and outside, clapping her hands and yelling “Pants!” I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared.
8) I get free coffee, tea and iced tea at work and I usually only take advantage of the coffee. (and the water)
9) When I was younger, I wanted to be a carpenter or a writer. When I think about it, nothing has changed. I still want to whack nails with a hammer.
10) The only difference between me on the outside and me on the inside is that I babble on the inside.
11) I get scared by the magnitude of some of the things I try to do.
12) I’m going to have a BABY!
13) I actually feel bad for Tom Cruise.
14) I’m still not sure that I want the NHL to come back yet.
15) The worst pain I’ve ever had is a tie between plastic primer in the eye and bleach up the nose.
16) Of the six vehicles I’ve had in my possession, only one was not bought or borrowed from a family member.
17) Every bike I’ve ever owned, except the one in my possession now, has been stolen.
18) Nothing cheers me up more than Nicholas playing with Jack.
19) Neither of the brand-new chairs at work are as good as the wobbly chair I had when I started.
20) On average, I spend more time working per week than sleeping.
21) I get a little thrill when I think of the Intellivision emulator I found. There’s nothing like a block-man running from a block-spider or a blocky triangle shooting at a block-asteroid to make my day.
22) I once flushed a bowl of oysters, angry that someone would take a dump in a bowl and put it on the table. (I was asleep)
23) I once peed in my parents’ fridge (I was asleep)
24) I once challenged my dad to a fight (I was asleep)
25) I used to sleep-walk.
26) Battlefield Earth was the most fun I’ve ever had at a movie theatre.
27) I currently have 90 books to read. I will not buy another book (other than the new Harry Potter, the new Wheel of Time and the new A Song of Ice and Fire) until that number has been halved.
28) I refuse to learn anything about “Feminine Hygiene Products”. I’ll buy them but I don’t need to know the particulars.
29) I’ve had a story bouncing around in my head for twelve years – you’d think I’d just write it already.
30) Getting hit by a car was less traumatic than having my wisdom teeth out. But it hurt more.
31) I’ve never had a Driver’s License picture with a shaven head, despite having a shaven head for the majority of the past eight years.
32) I went from single, broke and living with my parents to married with a kid, a dog and a house in less than two years.
33) Carrollton, Texas is the bane of my existence.
34) Last year, I fought changes in my office. This year, I have no idea why I was fighting so hard.
35) I am thrilled that it’s been a year and the Calgary Flames are STILL the second-best team in the NHL.
36) The worst job I’ve ever had was refereeing soccer.
37) The second-worst job I’ve ever had was as a softball umpire.
38) The best job I’ve ever had was building a golf course. (Sledge hammers and big, big nails – go figure)
39) Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my wedding ring the most.
40) Being a parent is much better than babysitting.
41) I don’t care about downhole drilling tools.
42) My area of greatest weakness is asking for something that I want.
43) My area of greatest strength is typing
44) Given the choice between pizza and steak, I can’t honestly tell you how I would decide at any given moment.
45) There is no joy more pure than rolling over and going back to sleep.
46) I would not remember to eat supper if it were not for my wife.
47) All of the pants that I own have something wrong with them.
48) I’m a better driver than 70% of the people out there – and I’m a crap driver.
49) I’m scared of the United States
50) I’ve learned more about inter-office politics in the past two days than I ever learned before.
51) I have not had any pain in my wrists since coming to my new cubicle. Ergonomics works for me!
52) Any pair of shoes that I have inevitably ends up with the tongues shoved down to the toes and the back wall of the shoe a crumpled ruin because I’m too lazy to untie and tie my shoes.
53) I resolve to shave every three days and when I look up next, it’s been a week.
54) Flash Gordon is my favourite movie.
55) The Eye of the World is my favourite book.
56) I want to cross-stitch more.
57) If I stay in shape, my back hurts less.
58) The second-best day of my life is the day that I bought a PlayStation 2. I bought the PlayStation 2 to cover up the fact that I had also bought an engagement ring. I proposed later that night. Why is it that we men have to trick our fiancées-to-be when we propose?
59) I was wearing a “dress” on the best day of my life.
60) All my computer-using life, I have underestimated the power and usefulness of Power Point.
61) Any graphics I need to create can be made in MS Paint.
62) I have been married 289 days as of this writing – it has been 288 days since the gift-opening and I have not yet written my thank-you cards.
63) My second child is due in 64 days and I’m still trying to let it sink in.
64) Anything important that I write has to be written on paper first.
65) I would rather play football than do just about anything else.
66) I’m no longer a fan of sitting around doing nothing.
67) I miss drawing.
68) I am going to be a Beaver leader in the fall.
69) 25 degrees Celsius is too hot for me.
70) I haven’t played street hockey, which used to be a staple in my life, since Rob Ladner’s bachelor party.
71) It’s been longer than that for football, which I’d rather play.
72) In 2003, I failed to read 50 books, which was my goal, by 1.
73) I’ve finished two Final Fantasy games, 1 and 3 (6 in Japan), despite spending ungodly amounts of time trying to finish various others.
74) I have built two rock-waterfalls, both at the same golf course.
75) I am more proud of the physical things that I’ve made than the programs I’ve designed.
76) If I hadn’t gone to that New Year’s Party, I have NO idea what I’d be doing (or where I’d be) right now.
77) I pay more for student loans than I do for mortgage in a month.
78) I would rather watch Nicholas play soccer than play soccer myself.
79) I am the single most disorganized person in the entire world.
80) I am not a multi-tasker.
81) I’m glad that Kim likes horsey-jumping because then we can watch sports together.
82) I don’t get mad at the police when I get caught speeding.
83) I will wash ten sinks of dishes before doing one load of laundry.
84) I would rather help someone do their work than do mine.
85) I hate I hate I hate I hate loud toys but I don’t resent the fact that we have them since Nicholas likes them.
86) I once got lost in Vancouver but didn’t know I was lost. I was just riding the rides. Having lost Nicholas in Costco, I’m sorry mom and dad.
87) If I knew I only had one day left to live, I would probably not change my routine.
88) If I had a million dollars, I would quit my job and write.
89) My brain refuses to accept that MacDonald’s is bad for me.
90) I cried when Joe Montana retired.
91) Happy Birthday Barbie is a tool of the devil.
92) I am annoyed by people who think their God has no sense of humour.
93) Borscht is the worst garbage ever created.
94) There is no good sports caster. There are degrees of bad, but they’re all bad.
95) I could not do a better job than any sports caster.
96) I hope I never want to play golf again.
97) I don’t want to imagine the circumstances that would cause me to kill someone else.
98) I believe that Professional Wrestling has gone down the tubes and there’s no coming back.
99) I want my own laptop.
100) Having written 99 things about myself, I don’t know that anyone will know me better for having read them.