Insomnialmanac

There are so many things worth saying, I know that now.  I look at other people's content (famous people) and I find it hard to believe that I censor myself so completely.

I have been feeling a need to write about my mom, lately, and I've been holding back.  It seems kind of silly, now, though, reading about a guy farting while working out.

There are so many things I want to say about mom.  So many wonderful things she's done for me, for other people. Quite a few not so wonderful things.  Let's face it, we've all got those -- we're human. 

I like to think the positives outweigh the negatives for mom.  Then again, I like to think the same for most people.

My aunt shared a memory that her son had of mom, when she was here for the funeral.  He and his sister had very sharp recollections of mom singing to them when they were younger.  It really resonated with me because mom singing was a constant throughout my childhood. 

She liked Ella FItzgerald.  She liked BIllie Holliday.  She liked the Beatles.  She liked Barbara Streisand and Melissa Manchester.  She liked Aerosmith.  She liked the Band and the Traveling Wilburies.

Through her appreciation of music and her love of singing, mom opened doors for me.  When I'm happy, I sing.  Sometimes, I have a hard time keeping a filter in place at work.  I'm sure notes have squeaked out here and there, and it's all mom's fault. 

Mom was a very protective woman.  I'll always remember how a friend of hers promised me a job and when she didn't come through, mom kinda snapped.  I won't say that it ended their friendship but it did change things.

I needed mom, a lot.  I'm sure that everyone could say that, but it doesn't make it less true.  I'm a momma's boy and I feel no shame in admitting that.

Mom was second-mom to a lot of friends.  Not just my friends, but my sister's friends and my brother's friends, too.  Simon, who lived with us for a time, was welcomed into the room with the family during the funeral and I was certainly glad to have him there.  He certainly feels like a second brother to me, sibling rivalry and all.

Since mom passed, I've been trying to plough straight ahead, as if nothing has changed.  For the most part, I've done a pretty good job of it, but I will admit that I've been feeling more temper and less patience, lately.  I'm hoping that getting all this off my chest will take some pressure off and help me be the husband and father I want - and need - to be.

One more thing to say, and then I'll leave off this morose piece of text:

Kyle and Erron, I don't talk about her much, because it's sure to bring tears to my eyes, but I need you guys to know that Katie is never far from my thoughts.  All I need to do is to look at the light in NIck and Lilly's eyes and know how lucky I am to have them. 

I want to extend to the both of you my love, my admiration, and my condolences.  Also, I want to congratulate you on your upcoming move.  Hopefully, we won't have to wait so long between visits, any more.

Okay, that's all.  I'm done for now.  Until more later on.