Thursday, January 15, 2009

I'm Still a Child

In high school, I would sit through interminable lectures and make them seem to go faster by doodling, taking notes that were part real and part ridiculous. Apparently, this defense mechanism has not gone away.

Yesterday, after only two and a half months on the job, I got my new hire orientation. For three hours. How, oh how, do you suppose that a grown-up who owns his own business and hopes to reach continually higher by standing on the ever expanding mount of his own achievement and reputation would grasp this opportunity to better familiarize himself with the company he has hitched his professional wagon - NO - chariot to? Would he become a master of product knowledge? Would he make every effort to familiarize himself with the ins, outs and processes of said company?

You know me better.

So here, with no further rambles, are some of the choicer tidbits from the note-taking extravaganza that is my new hire training:

The first bit concerns a program called LOGIC:

-510k device
-Data warehousing solution for plasma
-Foundation for thought and argument
-Only 2 customers use LOGIC
-Help Desk Bastardizes LOGIC (they actually said this)
-LOGIC keeps bad units from being shipped
-LOGIC pools
-LOGIC has tools
-LOGIC team - two members shy of a full load (talking about some employee turnover recently)
-LOGIC - available on Windows and Linux but not OSX. (funny, I thought it would have excluded one of the other ones instead)

The next set of notes is about a project called EQue. Doesn't seem really all that legal, until you realize they're talking about a questionnaire program. A note about the following bullet points - I only wrote down what they said in the meeting.

-Electronic Questionnaire
-Does the hustle-Bang away at EQue
-Plays for the other team too
-Donors like banging away at EQue
-Especially repeat customers
-Donors are more truthful to EQue than people
-EQue is selling fast
-The underlying architecture is not robust and has people clamouring for EQue.

There was mention of an ATM program where they give the donor a chit and he goes to an on-site ATM which provides him with money. Apparently, the big canvas sack with dollar signs printed on it was a security risk somehow.

Anyway, that's how I spent three hours yesterday, compiling notes like the ones above. I'm such a child.

1 comment:

Kyle said...

"So this is our program"

Liam-"Heh heh heh, you said ram"

"Yeah, okay Liam, anyways... it helps us to keep abreast of current customer needs."

Liam-"Heh heh heh, you said breast"

"Uh-huh... well, our penetrating analysis of company..."

Liam- [head explodes]