Thursday, December 08, 2005

Boys, We’ve Hit the Jackpot

I discovered, this morning, that my creamer does not have an expiry date. This made me think.

Things to think about a creamer that has no expiry date:

1) I could really cash in on this! Sit the creamer on the counter for a couple of weeks, drink it down, and in the ensuing stomach ailment, bring Lucerne to its KNEES with a lawsuit that will see me into a bigger house and early retirement.
2) What if the spoilage of the creamer is linked causally to the expiry date… I could really cash in on this! I could market my own “never-spoilz” creamer that would last forever, and bring Lucerne to its KNEES by providing a product they never realized that they had all along.
3) I am really too easily amused.

In other news, I’ve been programming work-related things (a fix for the fix that fixes the problem with the papersize) and stuff for an online programming contest. Currently, I am ranked 20406th out of 63502 (although, really only 34976 people have submitted answers). So, I have my work cut out for me but I’m working on it. So far, I’ve done a mathematical formula string, a robotic arm program and a bin-packing problem. Who knew that after university, I would actually get to program?

My little piece of programming history. Look for the pink link 24843

Turns out, Houston sucks. From what I hear, the Texans might be planning on tanking the rest of their games so that they can have a crack at the top spot in the draft. I’d hoped that after their inaugural season, I would not have to see them pick #1 overall again. Looks like I was wrong. But what happens when they play the nearly-as-crappy San Francisco 49ers? And how do you convince your players to roll over for the other team? What does the Coach or GM say?

“You know, fellas, we have a crack at a running back who is a lot better than Domanick or a quarterback who is a lot better than David. I want you guys to go out there and make it look convincing. Hey, you can even hold a lead for awhile, as long as you don’t have it when the clock reads three zeroes. Can you get behind me on this? There’ll be a little extra something in your pay envelopes if San Francisco beats us.” Pathetic.

Stupid Texans are making my season hell. Ah well, at least they cut Crash Riley.


Sean Woods said...

You're, the Ukraine?

On a serious note, I'm glad you get to program.

Wow, xxppinsu is my magic word!

Dylan said...



Either way, we're both screwed next year...

pesvw - fahrvegnugen

Dylan said...

I'll kill you in Madden, you bastard!

QB vision was made for me!!!!!

(Didn't want to call you names on Kim's blog)

Sean Woods said...

Don't you know that Sean is the Madden King? Geez.

I think the Texans should take Bush, and then my Jets will select Leinart. How does that sound?

Liam J. said...

Hey, how about the Texans trade down to the Jets, who take Bush (who I think they need more than they need Leinart) and somehow D'Brickashaw Ferguson lasts until they pick. Then, when the Lions turn comes up, they take the most highly-rated wide receiver still on the board (assuming Millen is still with the team).

Or will they draft some other offensive lineman bust? 'Cuz then in three or four years, the Texans could sign him to some stupidly-high contract and give up an nfl-record number of sacks. See: Todd Wade.

And yes, Dylan, I'm sure that QB Vision was made for "Jeff Garcia rolls to his right. While sprinting right, he throws back to his left and completes some kind of no-look pass to a receiver five yards downfield."


egxtloa: even god xnows that liam owns all-madden. (it's a stretch but I don't care)

Liam J. said...

"OH! WRONG BUTTON!" -Dylan, after his fourth interception

Anonymous said...

so Liam.... why are you Ukrainian?

What do you homeboys think of joining a Yahoo Fantasy Basketball league, just fo' shitz 'n' gigglez???


Liam J. said...

I am Ukrainian because when I signed up, it gave me a used ID number that had been deactivated, and the link to update your information is inactive. So, I am from the Ukraine.

You can call me Comrade Kiev.

KimProbable said...

I feel the need to comment on the creamer section of your entry. Nobody else has commented on it yet.

Why are you so focused on bringing Lucerne to its KNEES? Hhmm...

domesticvixen said...

I think Liam has a thing for knees and being brought down on them.

Baron Von Cliff said...

How do a coach and GM about to be fired as a result of incompetency convince guys to just give up? THAT'S the big question. Any hopes regarding a specific new coach, Mr. Lum?

and, yeah, Houston needs Mr. Ferguson come draft day.

How many crappy, overpaid defensive players bite the dust after this debacle?

Liam J. said...

Hopes for coach: Jimmy Johnson, Art Shell, Pete Carroll, Norm Chow, Brad Childress, Mike Tice, Charlie Weis, Ray Rhodes, Donnie Henderson

Hopes for GM: Nonexistent. It's already been said that Charlie Casserly will be back next year, despite sucking.

Defensive bums to leave (or at least not to start): Philip Buchanon, Marcus Coleman, Jason Babin, Antwan Peek, Seth Payne
I know it won't be all of them but at least two will be either sitting down or standing in line at the unemployment office come next year.

I really feel that Babin and/or Peek will be victimized since the 4-3 will eliminate the need for a hybrid. Babin could get converted to an end (and I guess Peek could too) but not both of them. They gave up 2,3 and 4 for Babin and they drafted Peek in the 3rd. That means Babin will probably start. Seth Payne, while still effective, will probably be a cap casualty (or Gary Walker) since Travis Johnson and Robaire Smith are not going anywhere. Maybe Johnson will be a 4-3 end like Ray Childress when he was there. I can see that. Here's what I see:
CB: Robinson, Faggins
SS: Glenn Earl/CC Brown
FS: Glenn Earl/CC Brown/Draft Pick
OLB: Morlon Greenwood, Charlie Anderson/Draft Pick/Free Agent
MLB: Kailee Wong
DE: Peek/Babin, Johnson
DT: Walker/Payne, Smith

Nickel: Philip Buchanon/Lewis Sanders


LT: Ferguson/Pitts/Wand?
LG: Milford Brown/Steve McKinney
C: Drew Hodgdon/Todd Washington/Draft pick
RG: Wiegert
RT: Pitts/Wade
WR: Johnson/Mathis
TE: Joppru/Rivers
FB: Norris/Wells
HB: Davis

Slot: Gaffney/Armstrong
K: Brown
P: Stanley
KR/PR: Mathis/Buchanon/Davis

Baron Von Cliff said...

I would like to see Art shell get another crack at coaching somewhere. It's not like he was awful with the Raiders. And, come on, if Dennis Erickson can get another shot...

I don't know about Brad Childress, though. Philly's offense has never made a lot of sense to me. They put together a line of massive powerblockers who aren't overly athletic...and then pass 2 out of 3 downs. And I've never liked Ray Rhodes as the head man.

I would be shocked if either Phillip Buchanon or Gary Walker is back next year. The cap cut would be better by slashing Walker than by cutting Payne, who's also still earlier on in his deal, so he's owed more bonus money. And I think Coleman is probably gonna bite it, as well, and at least one offensive lineman. Probably either McKinney or Wiegert, since I think they'd still take a pretty nasty hit if they cut Wade loose.

Dylan said...


Hopeful Coach: Art Shell (please!)

Real Coach: Useless white guy

Baron Von Cliff said...

Aaaah, Useless White many clones of him ruin so many teams' hopes and dreams annually. He's quite a prick.

Liam J. said...

I think that Ray Rhodes could be an amazing head coach. He's done such a good job as a defensive coordinator in a bunch of places that maybe he just hasn't found his situation as a head coach yet.

I also wouldn't mind seeing Jim Haslett as my head coach, if he gets canned.

But I want Art Shell.

Liam J. said...

And I don't see them cutting Buchanon. He's basically nothing against the cap and he's better than Joe-Free-Agent. (and if the Texans hold on to John Hoke, he might be able to make a decent nickel-back out of "Showtime")

Baron Von Cliff said...

I say cut Buchanon because he's useless. He needs a lot of work, but he thinks he's a great player (just shceck out interviews with the idiot) who doesn't need to put any time in. Reminds me a lot of Deon Figures, actually, who was the exact same player.

Art shell would be a good hire. Maybe Ray Rhodes CAN pull it off, but I see him in the same mold as Gregg Williams or Wade Phillips...great co-ordinator, bad head coach. But Haslett is an idiot. He's been far too loyal to too many of his assistants, though many have proven to be morons (I'm looking at YOU, Rick Venturi). True, the bad personnel choices aren't all on him, but he has been given a lot of say on players. (Namely because Mickey Loomis is the league's worst GM. Seriously, how do ANY of these people still get paycheques from the Saints?)

And it seems obvious the Texans need to clean out their scouting department. Not so bad in the draft, but too many free agents have gotten WAY too much money.

Liam J. said...

Maybe you're right. Maybe he is Deon Figures but he makes less than half a million.
Wade Phillips is a bad head coach? Didn't he go, like, 10-6, 11-5 and 8-8 and get fired? Doesn't sound so bad to me. How long did William get, out of curiosity, before he was jettisoned for the guy who's gonna get jettisoned right away? I wouldn't mind trying him out as a head coach either... Looks like it might be Dan Reeves, anyway. And I don't mind him, that's for sure. Even if he did try to replace John Elway with Tommy Maddox (and draft Danny Kannel - I swear to God, if they bring in Kannel to compete for the starting QB position, I'll punch Reeves right in the heart, though.)

I could see the Texans parting ways with Walker (though it will break my heart).

Baron Von Cliff said...

Does Danny Kanell even exist as a 'professional quarterback' (for lack of a better term) anymore? I love how the big name Miami QBs (Kosar and Testaverde) won nothing, but Walsh, Kanell and Weldon each got a national title.

I don't think Wade Phillips did that well, actually. But I suppose I could be wrong. It happens on occasion. I wouldn't be surprised, though, if they go with Gregg Williams. After all, he's done a pretty good job in Washington. They have SOME talent on D, but they really are playing above what they have. On the other hand, they could decide that, with Capers being a defensive guy, they want to go the other way, and hire an offensively minded coach instead.

I thought Buchanon made more than that. I guess that's reasonable, then.

Is it for sure that Houston's going 4-3 next year, or will that depend on the coach?