Look:
The question is: Where does BisonWeb go from here?
Obviously, word must spread.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
BisonWeb
Team BisonWeb took a major step forward today, as my magic word on a comment on my blog was bisalo. The bisalo is obviously a cross between bison and buffalo. Someone is trying to tell me something. What they're trying to tell me is that BisonWeb is inevitable.
Look:
The question is: Where does BisonWeb go from here?
Obviously, word must spread.
Look:
The question is: Where does BisonWeb go from here?
Obviously, word must spread.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Back at work
Time flies when you're not getting any sleep.
Twelve working days after the birth of my daughter, I'm back at work and ready to go. Things have changed so much for me in the past two-and-a-half weeks that it's going to take a bit of time for me to figure out my new role.
Not only am I a sleepless father of two but I am now officially the new Data Management Supervisor for Sperry Nisku.
Money aside, what does this mean? It means that all the things that I was doing before, I am now expected to do. All the things that they appreciated before -- overtime, training, mentoring -- these are all part of my job.
Does this mean that my job got harder? Probably not. I was able to do these things and get them done properly and on time. It just means that upper management's expectations of me just got a lot higher.
I know, I know, serenity is inversely proportional to expectation. Normally, I live my life by this. I try not to have any expectations of anyone else, but in this case, serenity is theirs, not mine, and the satisfaction of their expectation is directly tied to my continued employment. So, I'll have to find some new tricks, work harder and try to live up to their expectations -- with my serenity hanging in the balance.
It's a great day for work!
Twelve working days after the birth of my daughter, I'm back at work and ready to go. Things have changed so much for me in the past two-and-a-half weeks that it's going to take a bit of time for me to figure out my new role.
Not only am I a sleepless father of two but I am now officially the new Data Management Supervisor for Sperry Nisku.
Money aside, what does this mean? It means that all the things that I was doing before, I am now expected to do. All the things that they appreciated before -- overtime, training, mentoring -- these are all part of my job.
Does this mean that my job got harder? Probably not. I was able to do these things and get them done properly and on time. It just means that upper management's expectations of me just got a lot higher.
I know, I know, serenity is inversely proportional to expectation. Normally, I live my life by this. I try not to have any expectations of anyone else, but in this case, serenity is theirs, not mine, and the satisfaction of their expectation is directly tied to my continued employment. So, I'll have to find some new tricks, work harder and try to live up to their expectations -- with my serenity hanging in the balance.
It's a great day for work!
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Seizure
On Friday, Lillian had her first seizure. We took her to Emergency at the Grey Nuns and they said it wasn't a heart thing, and that if there were more, we should take her in. I didn't say anything here because we were kinda just hoping it would go away.
She had two more yesterday, and now she's had two today. The second one today was in front of the pediatric resident at the Grey Nuns. When I was a baby, I had convulsions, and my brother and cousin both had them as well. The neo-natalogist (I didn't even know there was such a thing) called it "fifth-day fits". He can't rule out infection without testing, though, so they drained hooked my daughter up to monitors for her heart rate and oxygen saturation, as well as hooking up an IV to her. Nothing has ever broken my heart like seeing my baby's blood run down the nurse's hand, onto the blanket, hearing her scream and knowing there's nothing I can do about it.
The pediatric resident told us it would be a good idea to take a walk while they poked at her spine for some more fluids. We took that advice.
The good news is, now we know why Lillian has been having seizures, coupled with 20-30 seconds of apnia(not breathing, for you non-medical, non-scrabble types). It's most likely going to go away with semi-regular doses of phenobarbitol (a mild sedative) and if the tests come back negative and the seizures don't return after two days (which is getting off relatively light, since I was in there for a couple of weeks as a baby), she can come home again.
I'm just home right now to update this, get some things for Kim since she's staying at the hospital, and to get stuff ready for Nick's school-day tomorrow.
Speaking of my amazing Kindergartening son, he's staying with Gramma while Kim and I are with Lillian in the hospital.
Come home soon, Lillian.
She had two more yesterday, and now she's had two today. The second one today was in front of the pediatric resident at the Grey Nuns. When I was a baby, I had convulsions, and my brother and cousin both had them as well. The neo-natalogist (I didn't even know there was such a thing) called it "fifth-day fits". He can't rule out infection without testing, though, so they drained hooked my daughter up to monitors for her heart rate and oxygen saturation, as well as hooking up an IV to her. Nothing has ever broken my heart like seeing my baby's blood run down the nurse's hand, onto the blanket, hearing her scream and knowing there's nothing I can do about it.
The pediatric resident told us it would be a good idea to take a walk while they poked at her spine for some more fluids. We took that advice.
The good news is, now we know why Lillian has been having seizures, coupled with 20-30 seconds of apnia(not breathing, for you non-medical, non-scrabble types). It's most likely going to go away with semi-regular doses of phenobarbitol (a mild sedative) and if the tests come back negative and the seizures don't return after two days (which is getting off relatively light, since I was in there for a couple of weeks as a baby), she can come home again.
I'm just home right now to update this, get some things for Kim since she's staying at the hospital, and to get stuff ready for Nick's school-day tomorrow.
Speaking of my amazing Kindergartening son, he's staying with Gramma while Kim and I are with Lillian in the hospital.
Come home soon, Lillian.
A study in contrast
Preston
Lillian
These two shots made me realize how much Lillian looks like Preston did a couple of years ago.
Lillian
These two shots made me realize how much Lillian looks like Preston did a couple of years ago.
If only I'd gotten that shot of Lillian as a profile.
Still, they're both babies, so they look alike, right? Right??
At least they're cute.
I'm just about even with those bastards
Six months ago, I was riding the bike in the morning, and still getting to work plenty early to earn extra money. Then the bastards stole my bag, with my shoes, sweats, a t-shirt and Deadhouse Gates, a book that I was thoroughly enjoying.
I've since replaced the shoes and t-shirt. Tonight I took another step against the bastards and bought Deadhouse Gates again.
It's the second book in the Malazan Book of the Fallen. It's fantasy (don't lynch me) but it's written by a Canadian, and it's good.
The first book, Gardens of the Moon, drops you in the middle of the action and gradually explains some of the background. It was a little hard to get into, seeing as how most of the Fantasy I've read puts you right in the beginning, when the hero is still a modest farm-boy, and then all hell breaks loose.
This one is nothing like that.
Now I have the book. All I need is some sweats and a bag and I'm back at even (even though I'm down the cost of replacement).
Bastards.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Lillian
Kim will tell you she knew it was a girl. My sister will tell you the same thing. So will various people around my office.
Well, they were right.
Saturday morning was supposed to be a day of sleeping in, with Nick at his grandparents’, and the morning to doze. That dream was shattered, however, when Kim came back to bed around a quarter after seven to tell me that she was wet.
Holding pee-jokes back, I asked if her water had broken. “I dunno” was the reply (which had been the reply to countless “Was that a contraction?” questions I’d asked over the past two weeks). I suggested that we go to the hospital to get it checked out, since they wanted her in nice and early for some antibiotics against a group-b strep (whatever that is) that they’d discovered some time earlier.
Three hours later, I finally had Kim convinced and we were off to the hospital.
After an interminable wait in what I will call the “four-to-a” room, where up to four pregnant women can wait to be taken to a delivery room, we learned that Kim’s water had indeed broken and that they would eventually want to hook her up to an IV to get the clendomiacin into her.
After another interminable wait in what I call the “four-to-a” room, Kim got her antibiotics, and we went for a walk, trying to get the baby to re-engage the pelvis, a position that the kindly Dr. Evenson had told us the baby had already reached. Apparently, it’s not likely that a baby will disengage the pelvis, but our Lillian is up to many impossible things. She re-engaged (or engaged for the first time, depending on whether or not you believe Dr. Len) and we headed home.
We spent the afternoon fairly restful and Nicholas came back to us fairly early on. Four games of Pokemon-Sorry later (I won the tournament, 3-1), Howard and Mary Jane (or Mr. And Mrs. MacPherson, if you prefer) returned to take Nicholas and bring us our doula. For those of you not in the know, a doula is a childbirth facilitator. Kinda like a midwife, but not quite as technical. Kinda like a birth-coach (me) but more technical. As a side note, Kara did an amazing job, and if any of you bloggers ever need a doula, I would recommend her.
We returned to the hospital around eight-thirty for the second round of antibiotics, and the nurses talked Kim into keeping the needle in her arm. This turned out to be a mistake, as the needle bent and sent a bunch of saline into the part of Kim’s arm that isn’t vein, and puffed up the arm painfully.
We left the hospital after spending another couple of hours in the four-to-a, convinced that Kim was not in labour, despite some contractions that had seemed to be leading somewhere.
The night was spent for Kim, trying to start labour. I helped when I could, but the rest of the time was spent playing solitaire and waiting.
5:30 saw us back at the hospital. We knew that it was getting close to the time they would want to induce labour, and that was something that Kim had said she wanted to avoid. She got the antibiotics, and by the time the doctor was ready to see her at 10 or so, she’d already decided she’d be induced. She didn’t want to be too tired to give birth, so it wasn’t too much of a blow when Dr. Corbet came into the room and told us that induction would be happening now.
With this stunning piece of news, and the oxitocin drip started, I was so excited I fell asleep for a half-hour. Kim and Kara did – well, whatever it is that expectant mother and doula do when labour is imminent.
When Kim was allowed off the fetal monitor and could get up and go, we went walking the halls of the third floor of the Grey Nuns hospital. Kim had wanted to walk through her labour and, while this was not the off-leash area, Kim was walking. When the contractions started, I didn’t know what would work best for Kim, so I just walked up to her and gave her a hug. The next few contractions allowed us to fine-tune our technique and before too long, Kim would allow me to support her weight with my knees while I held her.
We walked for a good half-hour, circling the halls, looking at baby pictures, contracting (well, Kim was contracting. I wasn’t.) Kara was there, talking Kim through her contractions, helping Kim to learn how best to manage her pain. I started taking a more active role as well, talking to Kim while she breathed through the contractions.
When walking was over, Kim and I stepped into the shower (once I figured out how to make the thing work) and continued the process. She felt the baby drop and had to start squatting during contractions. She hung off of my neck while I stood there and told her she was doing a good job. At one point, she wondered if she was doing any good at all – if she should find some way to deal with the pain. I talked her through her uncertainty, and pretty much immediately, she said she needed to push. We got her out of the shower, and into bed where they told her she was 8 cm dilated. 10 cm is fully dilated and time to push, so I figured it would be pretty soon. I dashed into the bathroom and changed back into my underwear and pants (not socks, though, Sean) and returned. After that, she was in bed the rest of the way.
Fifteen minutes of pushing saw the birth of my baby daughter.
She was born at 6 pounds, 14.2 ounces, and 21 inches long. She enjoys sleeping, eating, pooping, shrieking (Cry your rage, Lillian), and plotting to take over the world with Jack.
She is very, very cute, despite a disturbing resemblance to grampa Bob, and I think she's actually trying to be cute when she yawns. It works, though.
Welcome to the Johnstones, Lillian. We're all wack-jobs, but we all love you.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
The Johnstone House
This is the Johnstone House. May, 2004, I took possession of this townhouse with the intention of living here a couple of years and then moving on to bigger and better things. The most alluring thing about the place (beside the fact that we could afford it!) was that the entry faces away from the street. Carrying groceries in can be a pain but it's worth it.
The kitchen is far from ultra-spacious but what it lacks in space it makes up in lack of counter-space.
My only complaint about the dining room is that the floor is carpet.
NOTE: We elected not to keep the For Sale sign in the window.
I took these pictures when Kim and I finally got the chance to look the place over together. At the time, I'd thought that they were decent pictures. What the hell was I thinking?
This is a great closet-shot of the computer room.
NOTE: Realtor's leg sold separately.
Another prize-winning shot. This time, of the bathroom sink. I could really do something as a professional photographer.
A fairly innocuous laundry room, until you realize that the Flame-Master furnace is older than I am and more likely to spew deadly toxins. (much more likely)
The best part about Nick's room is that he has about three acres of closet-space. This comes in handy with the baby moving in.
The Master bedroom is a little bigger than the other rooms but not by a whole lot. Still, for sleeping, it's aces!
Cute Nick-picture aside, this picture really shows the power of my photographic skills. This is the living room as it would look from the light fixture (if we had a light fixture in the living room.)
This shot shows off the spaciousness of the living room, not to mention the neighbour's house.
Friday, August 26, 2005
Software Development
This one's partially for Earl. At the very least, he pretended to want to know what it is that I'm working on. Well, to appease him and the inborn desire to be understood, I will explain.
The problem is this: Pro/Engineer is the CAD software that my Engineering firm uses. It has a lot of automated things, like the creation of a PDF representation of the drawings the engineers and designers create.
There is a problem with the way that Pro/E creates the file, though. The size for the first page is automatically given to all ensuing pages. This is not a problem as long as all of the pages are the same size. We at Sperry Drilling Services use a standard letter-sized page for Bills of Material, which are generally page 2 and beyond.
So, the PDF that is generated looks like this:
What I have been doing is going through the file and finding the topmost mark and the rightmost mark made in the postscript file (which is the transitional file that Adobe takes and turns into a PDF.
I make the pagesize as large as the furthest distance right and up, and that crops the pages so that they are correct.
The next challenge is dealing with the bottom margin. I'm still working on it but it looks like I'm going to be shifting everything down as far as the distance from the bottom-most mark to the bottom of the page.
Given that the test postscript file I have is 589,000 lines long, I'm also learning a lot about the efficiency of certain algorithms.
Fun, huh?
The problem is this: Pro/Engineer is the CAD software that my Engineering firm uses. It has a lot of automated things, like the creation of a PDF representation of the drawings the engineers and designers create.
There is a problem with the way that Pro/E creates the file, though. The size for the first page is automatically given to all ensuing pages. This is not a problem as long as all of the pages are the same size. We at Sperry Drilling Services use a standard letter-sized page for Bills of Material, which are generally page 2 and beyond.
So, the PDF that is generated looks like this:
What I have been doing is going through the file and finding the topmost mark and the rightmost mark made in the postscript file (which is the transitional file that Adobe takes and turns into a PDF.
I make the pagesize as large as the furthest distance right and up, and that crops the pages so that they are correct.
The next challenge is dealing with the bottom margin. I'm still working on it but it looks like I'm going to be shifting everything down as far as the distance from the bottom-most mark to the bottom of the page.
Given that the test postscript file I have is 589,000 lines long, I'm also learning a lot about the efficiency of certain algorithms.
Fun, huh?
Saturday, August 20, 2005
How did I get so behind - or Schrodinger's catsup
I will be the first person to admit that I haven’t been keeping up with my blogging. I’ve been doing a lot of things, and I haven’t been taking the time to write them down. So here’s a somewhat-brief recap of the events of the past month or so.
“The Thrill on the Hill” was just as good this year as any I’ve been to (granted, I’d only been to two previous). Jim Byrnes is amazing. I had only known that he was supposedly a great musician with a part on Highlander: The Series (At least it wasn’t Highlander: The Raven – that show sucked almost as bad as Mortal Kombat: The Series, which was even worse than Mortal Kombat: Annihilation). Turns out, he rocks. Or Blueses, anyway. I made a point of listening to him a couple of times. Another person that impressed me was Ruthie Foster. She sounded like she belonged in the era of Aretha Franklin or something. The programme agreed with me. But I disagreed with a different part of the programme. She didn’t sound anything like Ella Fitzgerald. But I guess they wanted to make her sound enticing. They should have just gone with the truth instead of the standard female-singing comparison. That’s like comparing a playmaking forward to Gretzky, or someone with a hard shot to MacInnis. It just happens too much. Then again, I didn’t hear Ruthie Foster sing “I’ve got a crush on you” (not that she sang it but that’s the Ella Fitzgerald song that’s left the biggest impression with me.)
There were a lot of other really good performances and the whole weekend was a lot of fun.
Over the last four weeks, Kim’s parents were in Nova Scotia. Yeah, I know, “Big deal,” right? Well, it changes a lot of things in my life. First, Nicholas normally spends a lot of time over at Gramma and Grampa’s house and there is a lot less Nicholas-time for me. These past weeks have been a great experience. I love spending time with Nick. He’s got a lot of energy and that’s given me a lot too. That said, it was nice to go out with my wife yesterday.
52 weeks ago, today, I was, at this time, in the parking garage at the airport, trying to decide between Monaco and marriage. Just kidding – HA! But I was at the airport. I was renting the car that we drove around in for the rest of the day. I know that our first wedding anniversary isn’t until tomorrow but 52 weeks of marriage actually sounds pretty impressive too.
Here’s to another 3900 weeks of marriage!
Aside from the one scare (see Wake-up Call), the baby has caused very little anxiety. Now, however, is the time when I will start to worry. (Word rejected “anxietize”)
At any time, this baby could potentially come screaming into the real world and be there. I’m not saying I don’t want it to happen – far from it – but it’s weird to think that it’s just in there, maybe a centimeter away from fresh air (if you go straight through the stomach, anyway) and that it’s a fully-developed person-type in there. It’s just getting fatter. (Kim says it’s insensitive to call the baby “it” but I’m not going to spend my time saying “they” or “them” until I know. This is not, after all, Schrödinger's baby. It is either a boy or a girl, not both. (Unless it is… hmm…)
I had my bike stolen. This makes what, now, seven? Fuck.
It’s not even so much the loss of the bike (okay, so it’s a lot of that too) it’s the fact that someone would open my gate and come into my yard, navigate the turd-bombs, picnic table and assortment of plastic chairs, for the sole purpose of taking a flat-tired, broken-sprocketed, squeaky-chained, no-brake-having bike. You’d think that after they found the bike in such a state of disrepair, they would have just leaned it up against the fence, maybe left a note that said “I’m sorry your bike sucked. It wasn’t worth stealing.” And carried on. But the persistent buggers did all this work, realized the bike was broken down and, I guess, decided to pay me back by depriving me of my bike. The most embarrassing thing about it is that I didn’t even notice. Kim said she’d thought that it wasn’t there A WHOLE MONTH before that, but that she’d thought I’d taken it to my parents’ or something like that. Man, I suck.
I just finished Wolves of the Calla. Wow. They just keep getting better. I was reluctant to start this one because Wizard and Glass was so good and it didn’t seem like it could get any better. Was I wrong… Jake Chambers is an amazing character. Probably the best one in the series. It’s nice to see that they just keep going back into the “real” world (our world). That’s one thing that impressed me the most about the series is the interaction between the two (or more) worlds. The constant coincidences, I think, must require an incredible eye for detail. So yeah, read the Dark Tower series, even if you’re not enjoying The Gunslinger. It’s worth it.
Jack doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going, lately. Last week, we took Jack for four HUGE walks over four days. We’re talking more than an hour at each walk. Then came this past week, where we’ve had little time or energy for such things. Then we took him for another huge one yesterday. We’ll get him out again today.
I can’t honestly say why, but I’m learning Calculus again. I guess it’s good for me… maybe. Anyway, there’s a theory by some greek guy (I can’t remember his name and I’m stuck at work, away from my calculus book) – anyway, this theory says that if a man is at one side of a room, he can never reach the other side because he will cross half the distance, and then he will cross half that distance, and then cross half that distance, again and again and never quite reach the other side. Of course, this is a bunch of horse-feathers, even though it seems to make sense. If he’s always crossing half of the distance, how will he ever get there? This, of course, discounts the notion that the time intervals that it takes to cross half the distance keep decreasing until they’re so close to zero that it’s inconsequential – and that’s the point that the contact with the wall is made.
However, I was thinking about this idea and I think it would be a neat concept, maybe a room exists where this greek guy was right and each period of crossing half of the distance seems to take the same amount of time, and a guy crossing the room lives an eternity in the seconds that it takes to cross a millimetre. I don’t know what would happen after that guy finally touched the wall – maybe he’s insane, maybe he dies – hmm… something to think about anyway.
Folk Fest
“The Thrill on the Hill” was just as good this year as any I’ve been to (granted, I’d only been to two previous). Jim Byrnes is amazing. I had only known that he was supposedly a great musician with a part on Highlander: The Series (At least it wasn’t Highlander: The Raven – that show sucked almost as bad as Mortal Kombat: The Series, which was even worse than Mortal Kombat: Annihilation). Turns out, he rocks. Or Blueses, anyway. I made a point of listening to him a couple of times. Another person that impressed me was Ruthie Foster. She sounded like she belonged in the era of Aretha Franklin or something. The programme agreed with me. But I disagreed with a different part of the programme. She didn’t sound anything like Ella Fitzgerald. But I guess they wanted to make her sound enticing. They should have just gone with the truth instead of the standard female-singing comparison. That’s like comparing a playmaking forward to Gretzky, or someone with a hard shot to MacInnis. It just happens too much. Then again, I didn’t hear Ruthie Foster sing “I’ve got a crush on you” (not that she sang it but that’s the Ella Fitzgerald song that’s left the biggest impression with me.)
There were a lot of other really good performances and the whole weekend was a lot of fun.
Full-time Dad
Over the last four weeks, Kim’s parents were in Nova Scotia. Yeah, I know, “Big deal,” right? Well, it changes a lot of things in my life. First, Nicholas normally spends a lot of time over at Gramma and Grampa’s house and there is a lot less Nicholas-time for me. These past weeks have been a great experience. I love spending time with Nick. He’s got a lot of energy and that’s given me a lot too. That said, it was nice to go out with my wife yesterday.
Happy Anniversary, happy anniversary, happy anniversary, HAAAAAAAAAppyanniversary!
52 weeks ago, today, I was, at this time, in the parking garage at the airport, trying to decide between Monaco and marriage. Just kidding – HA! But I was at the airport. I was renting the car that we drove around in for the rest of the day. I know that our first wedding anniversary isn’t until tomorrow but 52 weeks of marriage actually sounds pretty impressive too.
Here’s to another 3900 weeks of marriage!
Baby
Aside from the one scare (see Wake-up Call), the baby has caused very little anxiety. Now, however, is the time when I will start to worry. (Word rejected “anxietize”)
At any time, this baby could potentially come screaming into the real world and be there. I’m not saying I don’t want it to happen – far from it – but it’s weird to think that it’s just in there, maybe a centimeter away from fresh air (if you go straight through the stomach, anyway) and that it’s a fully-developed person-type in there. It’s just getting fatter. (Kim says it’s insensitive to call the baby “it” but I’m not going to spend my time saying “they” or “them” until I know. This is not, after all, Schrödinger's baby. It is either a boy or a girl, not both. (Unless it is… hmm…)
Bike
I had my bike stolen. This makes what, now, seven? Fuck.
It’s not even so much the loss of the bike (okay, so it’s a lot of that too) it’s the fact that someone would open my gate and come into my yard, navigate the turd-bombs, picnic table and assortment of plastic chairs, for the sole purpose of taking a flat-tired, broken-sprocketed, squeaky-chained, no-brake-having bike. You’d think that after they found the bike in such a state of disrepair, they would have just leaned it up against the fence, maybe left a note that said “I’m sorry your bike sucked. It wasn’t worth stealing.” And carried on. But the persistent buggers did all this work, realized the bike was broken down and, I guess, decided to pay me back by depriving me of my bike. The most embarrassing thing about it is that I didn’t even notice. Kim said she’d thought that it wasn’t there A WHOLE MONTH before that, but that she’d thought I’d taken it to my parents’ or something like that. Man, I suck.
Book
I just finished Wolves of the Calla. Wow. They just keep getting better. I was reluctant to start this one because Wizard and Glass was so good and it didn’t seem like it could get any better. Was I wrong… Jake Chambers is an amazing character. Probably the best one in the series. It’s nice to see that they just keep going back into the “real” world (our world). That’s one thing that impressed me the most about the series is the interaction between the two (or more) worlds. The constant coincidences, I think, must require an incredible eye for detail. So yeah, read the Dark Tower series, even if you’re not enjoying The Gunslinger. It’s worth it.
Bark
Jack doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going, lately. Last week, we took Jack for four HUGE walks over four days. We’re talking more than an hour at each walk. Then came this past week, where we’ve had little time or energy for such things. Then we took him for another huge one yesterday. We’ll get him out again today.
Blech
I can’t honestly say why, but I’m learning Calculus again. I guess it’s good for me… maybe. Anyway, there’s a theory by some greek guy (I can’t remember his name and I’m stuck at work, away from my calculus book) – anyway, this theory says that if a man is at one side of a room, he can never reach the other side because he will cross half the distance, and then he will cross half that distance, and then cross half that distance, again and again and never quite reach the other side. Of course, this is a bunch of horse-feathers, even though it seems to make sense. If he’s always crossing half of the distance, how will he ever get there? This, of course, discounts the notion that the time intervals that it takes to cross half the distance keep decreasing until they’re so close to zero that it’s inconsequential – and that’s the point that the contact with the wall is made.
But...
However, I was thinking about this idea and I think it would be a neat concept, maybe a room exists where this greek guy was right and each period of crossing half of the distance seems to take the same amount of time, and a guy crossing the room lives an eternity in the seconds that it takes to cross a millimetre. I don’t know what would happen after that guy finally touched the wall – maybe he’s insane, maybe he dies – hmm… something to think about anyway.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Hockey Cancelled Due To Pansy Participants. Next Week Cancelled Due To Pedicure
I started playing street hockey again a couple of weeks ago. I had a blog post almost completed and ready to go up, extolling the virtues of the stick and ball. Then I got busy at work and completely forgot about it. To keep a long story less long, I love playing street hockey. It’s been a staple of my life for far too long. The first night of this latest game, it didn’t look like anyone would want to show up. It was cold, it was raining and I was worried that my mad-dash purchase of new shoes during my lunch break that day would have been in vain. However, to paraphrase Kellen Winslow, “I’m a soldier.” And I’m not the only one. Ten or twelve of us non-military military-types trudged about the hockey rink, chasing the ball that skidded to a halt in the puddle that half-submerged it. I thought to myself at that point, ‘these guys are hardcore. This is awesome.’ I continued to enjoy myself over the next couple of weeks, running around, hitting the ball, running some more, turning around. You know, the kind of things that make a man a man. Then it came. Tuesday fell right in the middle of a crappy streak of weather (the streak in which we’re embroiled at the time of this writing). I didn’t figure there would be any chance of a cancellation. That, coupled with the fact that I had heard nothing about any stoppage, propelled me out the door at 6:30, for the weekly game.
I waited. Rob showed up. We waited. We tried, through Rob’s crappy cell problems, to call the guy who put the game together. It didn’t work. So, we went home. I don’t want to say the evening was a waste because I had a good evening. A little programming, coupled with some family time, helped soothe my broken heart but the bitterness is still there. I’d looked forward to that game all day, and Rob’s pansy friends couldn’t make it out because it was raining.
Go get a pedicure, boys. Then when you play in sandals, we can appreciate your toenails.
Bah!
I waited. Rob showed up. We waited. We tried, through Rob’s crappy cell problems, to call the guy who put the game together. It didn’t work. So, we went home. I don’t want to say the evening was a waste because I had a good evening. A little programming, coupled with some family time, helped soothe my broken heart but the bitterness is still there. I’d looked forward to that game all day, and Rob’s pansy friends couldn’t make it out because it was raining.
Go get a pedicure, boys. Then when you play in sandals, we can appreciate your toenails.
Bah!
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Damn Rights, You're Sorry!
Before the beginning of July, I was offered a promotion. (I’ve written about this promotion) The salary was the only sticking point as I’d been doing the job for the past year as it was.
Friday, I learned that the request for salary increase had not yet left the HR guy’s desk.
For three weeks.
I was tempted, very tempted, to tell my boss that I didn’t want his promotion and that I would go back to my lowly position as Document Specialist. I held back from that but made myself feel better by applying for programming jobs. (I’ve received two in-person interviews for programming positions, and both because of someone I knew – thanks, James – and I comfort myself at times when my job sucks by applying for other jobs. A harmless, futile effort but it’s healthier than alcohol or heroin – cheaper, too)
I was not the only person upset by this development. As you may have guessed, my boss felt like an idiot for not following up (though, why should he, when it’s a pretty simple matter to send out mail) and if there’s one thing the big Scotsman doesn’t like, it’s looking like an idiot.
Monday morning, my boss apparently went up one side and down the other of Mr. HR All-Star. He seemed pretty satisfied that there would be no more delays.
I don’t know what he said to HR, but this morning, the stunned one in question apologized to me for the delay. He explained that it wasn’t his fault, pushed the blame onto someone else (again, what about the follow-up?) and apologized five or six more times. He’s full of crap, this I know. It isn’t the other person’s job to do his job, and even if he did push it onto her, it’s his job to make sure that it gets done. Here, my boss and I had thought that it was going through the approval process, I was sitting on pins and needles (whatever that means) waiting to hear about my future and this guy went on vacation with my raise sitting on his desk.
You’re goddamn right, you’re sorry.
Friday, I learned that the request for salary increase had not yet left the HR guy’s desk.
For three weeks.
I was tempted, very tempted, to tell my boss that I didn’t want his promotion and that I would go back to my lowly position as Document Specialist. I held back from that but made myself feel better by applying for programming jobs. (I’ve received two in-person interviews for programming positions, and both because of someone I knew – thanks, James – and I comfort myself at times when my job sucks by applying for other jobs. A harmless, futile effort but it’s healthier than alcohol or heroin – cheaper, too)
I was not the only person upset by this development. As you may have guessed, my boss felt like an idiot for not following up (though, why should he, when it’s a pretty simple matter to send out mail) and if there’s one thing the big Scotsman doesn’t like, it’s looking like an idiot.
Monday morning, my boss apparently went up one side and down the other of Mr. HR All-Star. He seemed pretty satisfied that there would be no more delays.
I don’t know what he said to HR, but this morning, the stunned one in question apologized to me for the delay. He explained that it wasn’t his fault, pushed the blame onto someone else (again, what about the follow-up?) and apologized five or six more times. He’s full of crap, this I know. It isn’t the other person’s job to do his job, and even if he did push it onto her, it’s his job to make sure that it gets done. Here, my boss and I had thought that it was going through the approval process, I was sitting on pins and needles (whatever that means) waiting to hear about my future and this guy went on vacation with my raise sitting on his desk.
You’re goddamn right, you’re sorry.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
The Family Dog
This is Jack.We got Jack from the SPCA in November, 2004. This was an attempt to head-off the baby craze that hit both Kim and I in the insane post-wedding haze. (We'd originally wanted to wait until summer 2005 to begin trying - you can imagine how well our plan worked out)
Jack immediately became part of the family - running around like crazy, destroying things, upsetting the near-perfect calm that had settled in to the Johnstone House as we got into some semblance of a routine. In other words, he was the canine equivalent of Nicholas.
It was a close thing - we didn't know if we were going to be able to keep Jack, around the new year. He was getting worse, not better. Destroyed items were a common thing, it was cold outside and there was nowhere for our insane little Jack Russell Terrier to go. He bit Nicholas a couple of times - it was never very severe, but who wants to wait for that?
Finally, when Jack could spend some time outside, he started to mellow out. "Give it time," was a common line heard by friends and dog-fans. Nobody really wanted to say goodbye. And finally, our patience had paid off. Sure, he's a long way from perfect. He barks a lot and pees on people at the off-leash area, but he's part of the family and we won't be getting rid of him.
Jack enjoys swimming, nuzzling ducklings with his teeth, sleeping, running and chewing on his yellow blanket. By all evidence, he's probably a Sagittarius and his pet peeve is anything on wheels.
Bloggers, Jack.
Jack, Bloggers.
The Annual Great Halliburton Summer Picnic
Based on last year’s extravaganza, I had a great feeling that this year’s company picnic would be another success. I was right.
Although not as big as last year’s eleven-to-seven Sun-Fest, this year’s lineup included a large buffet-style lunch with steak as the main course. (Kim didn’t want hers, so I ended up with two steaks – shoulda gotten one for Nick too) After that, it was a somewhat-less-than-brisk walk down 1920’s ave (I’d just loaded up on food – brisk was somewhat beyond me) and back in time for the entertainment.
Professional entertainers are a dangerous gamble. If you get someone who has become a professional comedian based on the fact that “Everyone thinks I’m funny – just ask mom”, you’re in for a long afternoon. Fortunately, the garbanzo brothers, or whatever they called themselves, did a pretty good job. Somehow, they randomly picked my boss for the ultra-embarrassing table-act. Very funny. And they juggled, which can save any quasi-horrible act.
The fact that this was the second year at Fort Edmonton didn’t ruin the experience, since it’s a big place and the focus of this year’s picnic was actually at the picnic area, rather than sight-seeing. Or maybe that was the focus for me since I’d been there before. Given the rapid turnover at Halliburton, I’m sure there were a log of wide-eyed touristy-types, gaping at the old-timey costumes and the locomotive.
In the end, they forwent a door-prize and gave all Halliburton employees a picnic set which included dishes, a cooler and wheels. All hail Halliburton, empire of fun!
Although not as big as last year’s eleven-to-seven Sun-Fest, this year’s lineup included a large buffet-style lunch with steak as the main course. (Kim didn’t want hers, so I ended up with two steaks – shoulda gotten one for Nick too) After that, it was a somewhat-less-than-brisk walk down 1920’s ave (I’d just loaded up on food – brisk was somewhat beyond me) and back in time for the entertainment.
Professional entertainers are a dangerous gamble. If you get someone who has become a professional comedian based on the fact that “Everyone thinks I’m funny – just ask mom”, you’re in for a long afternoon. Fortunately, the garbanzo brothers, or whatever they called themselves, did a pretty good job. Somehow, they randomly picked my boss for the ultra-embarrassing table-act. Very funny. And they juggled, which can save any quasi-horrible act.
The fact that this was the second year at Fort Edmonton didn’t ruin the experience, since it’s a big place and the focus of this year’s picnic was actually at the picnic area, rather than sight-seeing. Or maybe that was the focus for me since I’d been there before. Given the rapid turnover at Halliburton, I’m sure there were a log of wide-eyed touristy-types, gaping at the old-timey costumes and the locomotive.
In the end, they forwent a door-prize and gave all Halliburton employees a picnic set which included dishes, a cooler and wheels. All hail Halliburton, empire of fun!
Monday, July 11, 2005
Slowps from the slopes
Kim and I went to see "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" at the Cheap Seats on Saturday and I don’t know for sure if I’ve ever enjoyed a movie there as much as this one. It was fun, funny, smart, original and silly. I don’t think there’s anything as funny as a whale falling to earth. I had lots of opportunity to read the book before seeing the movie but I never did. My regret for that is small, though, since I’ll make reading it a priority.
Water fights are just as fun now as they were when I was a kid. The only difference: I’m better than I was then. Now, instead of five-year-olds pelting me with water until I shrieked and ran away, now I’m the one pelting the five-year-olds, and they’re running away. There were a few cases where I had to take matters into my own hands and throw the odd kindergartener or pre-teen into the pool but I can’t just let them get away with trying to throw me in. I am all that is man.
I’m having a very hard time getting into the current CFL season. I haven’t seen a single game, though I’ve listened to snippets of Eskimos radio broadcasts. It’s not worth it. Bryan Hall is the worst radio guy I’ve ever heard. Maybe if I actually sat down and watched some football, I would be more inclined to pay attention but it’s just not holding my interest. Maybe around Labor Day…
I’m still waiting to hear back from my boss’ boss’ boss about whether I will be taking the position of Data Management Supervisor. The anticipation is killing me, although I guess that the fact that it’s taking longer is a good thing. It means that it must have gotten through my boss’s boss or it would have come back much sooner. I’m optimistic that when I hear back, it will be a positive, positive day.
Ninja versus pirates wouldn’t be much of a battle. Sure, pirates are good at bullying innocent towns and lobbing the occasional cannon ball at an unsuspecting military sloop but I don’t think they’d last very long against the greatest of all assassins. I bet that ninjas on boats (which is the coolest thing ever) would make better pirates than pirates.
I left Rob high-and-dry on Saturday. He was putting in laminate. I helped him with the sub-floor and then left him to go to church. There was no church-going that day, though, as the grandparents of my son, the parents of my wife and my in-laws all got together and changed the plan at the last moment. This is not a bad thing, as it gave Kim and I a very enjoyable evening together. I broke my promise not to pick up more books. (Honestly, we took books in for sale – they were going to give us $35 in trade or $11 in cash – what would YOU have done?) but I only got two, where Kim got a whopping FOUR. We also watched the movie and went out for East Indian desserts.
I went to church the next day, however, at a church that has a priest who looks like a hockey coach. I find it hard to imagine myself taking spiritual advice from a man who looks like he’d tell me to “take a lap” for my unfaith and assign a penance of “35 squat-thrusts”. “…the kingdom and the power and the glory for ever and ever – HIT THE SHOWERS! ” Just before the sacrifice (where the Catholics eat Jesus), what looked like most of the kids in the church lined up for hugs from Coach Priestly. I fought the temptation to make some kind of comment because the gesture seemed genuine and heartfelt. Kim asked Nick if he wanted to go up and he said no. His reason? “There’s a lineup.” Oh, sure, he’d go hug the priest, he just doesn’t want to deal with the logjam of other kids, hugging their way into heaven.
Water fights are just as fun now as they were when I was a kid. The only difference: I’m better than I was then. Now, instead of five-year-olds pelting me with water until I shrieked and ran away, now I’m the one pelting the five-year-olds, and they’re running away. There were a few cases where I had to take matters into my own hands and throw the odd kindergartener or pre-teen into the pool but I can’t just let them get away with trying to throw me in. I am all that is man.
I’m having a very hard time getting into the current CFL season. I haven’t seen a single game, though I’ve listened to snippets of Eskimos radio broadcasts. It’s not worth it. Bryan Hall is the worst radio guy I’ve ever heard. Maybe if I actually sat down and watched some football, I would be more inclined to pay attention but it’s just not holding my interest. Maybe around Labor Day…
I’m still waiting to hear back from my boss’ boss’ boss about whether I will be taking the position of Data Management Supervisor. The anticipation is killing me, although I guess that the fact that it’s taking longer is a good thing. It means that it must have gotten through my boss’s boss or it would have come back much sooner. I’m optimistic that when I hear back, it will be a positive, positive day.
Ninja versus pirates wouldn’t be much of a battle. Sure, pirates are good at bullying innocent towns and lobbing the occasional cannon ball at an unsuspecting military sloop but I don’t think they’d last very long against the greatest of all assassins. I bet that ninjas on boats (which is the coolest thing ever) would make better pirates than pirates.
I left Rob high-and-dry on Saturday. He was putting in laminate. I helped him with the sub-floor and then left him to go to church. There was no church-going that day, though, as the grandparents of my son, the parents of my wife and my in-laws all got together and changed the plan at the last moment. This is not a bad thing, as it gave Kim and I a very enjoyable evening together. I broke my promise not to pick up more books. (Honestly, we took books in for sale – they were going to give us $35 in trade or $11 in cash – what would YOU have done?) but I only got two, where Kim got a whopping FOUR. We also watched the movie and went out for East Indian desserts.
I went to church the next day, however, at a church that has a priest who looks like a hockey coach. I find it hard to imagine myself taking spiritual advice from a man who looks like he’d tell me to “take a lap” for my unfaith and assign a penance of “35 squat-thrusts”. “…the kingdom and the power and the glory for ever and ever – HIT THE SHOWERS!
Friday, July 08, 2005
My Books
This is a list of my "to-be-read" books. It's not intended for your entertainment - it's just here so that I have them somewhere I can refer to them. However, if the list does provide you with amusement, so much the better.
Ten Little Indians - Agatha Christie
Death on the Nile - Agatha Christie
Curtains: Poirot's Last Case - Agatha Christie
Philosophy: Who needs it - Ayn Rand
Viking Mythology - Brian Branston
Rattle His Bones - Carola Dunn
Tower of the King's Daughter - Chaz Brenchley
Shadow Dawn - Chris Claremont
Shadow Moon - Chris Claremont
The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
The Reluctant Swordsman - Dave Duncan
Sky of Swords - Dave Duncan
Lord of the Fire Lands - Dave Duncan
Queen of Demons - David Drake
Servant of the Dragon - David Drake
Mistress of Catacombs - David Drake
Brotherhood of the Wolf - David Farland
Runelords - David Farland
Waylander - David Gemmell
Hero in the Shadows - David Gemmell
The Covenant of the Flame - David Morrell
Shattered Trust - Don Pendleton
Shifting Shadows - Don Pendleton
Judgment Day - Don Pendleton
All Families are Psychotic - Douglas Coupland
The Vacant Throne - Ed Greenwood
The Big Bounce - Elmore Leonard
Pagan Babies - Elmore Leonard
Cuba Libre - Elmore Leonard
Dune - Frank Herbert
Dune Messiah - Frank Herbert
Children of Dune - Frank Herbert
The Face of Apollo - Fred Saberhagen
The Fionavar Tapestry - Guy Gavriel Kay
A Song for Arbonne - Guy Gavriel Kay
The Turn of the Screw and Other Stories - Henry James
Dead and Buried - Howard Engel
GeoMancer - Ian Irvine
Lord of the Rings - J.R.R. Tolkien
Uther - Jack Whyte
The Singing Sword - Jack Whyte
The Jackal of Nar - John Marco
Gulliver's Travels - Jonathan Swift
The Arabian Nights - Kate Douglas Wiggin
Days of Blood and Fire - Katherine Kerr
Camber of Culdi - Katherine Kurtz
Deryni Rising - Katherine Kurtz
The Magi'I of Cyador - L. E. Modesitt Jr.
The White Order - L. E. Modesitt Jr.
Battlefield Earth - L. Ron. Hubbard
Once upon a time - Lester Del Rey
The Copper Beech - Maeve Binchy
Forging the Darksword - Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman
Doom of the Darksword - Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman
Triumph of the Darksword - Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman
Time of the Twins - Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman
War of the Twins - Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman
Test of the Twins - Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman
Guardians of the Lost - Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman
Omerta - Mario Puzo
Gates of Winter - Mark Anthony
The Hollow Hills - Mary Stewart
The Fortress of the Pearl - Michael Moorcock
The Folk of the Fringe - Orson Scott Card
Red Prophet - Orson Scott Card
Rebekah - Orson Scott Card
Murder at San Simeon - Patricia Hearst
Backseat Quarterback - Perian Conerly
Court Jesters - Peter MacDonald
The Subtle Knife - Philip Pullman
The Amber Spyglass - Philip Pullman
The Demon Awakens - R. A. Salvatore
Conan of Cimmeria - R. E. Howard, L. Sprague de Camp, C. Carter
Myst: The Book of Atrus - Rand and Robyn Miller
Farewell, My Lovely - Raymond Chandler
Prince of the Blood - Raymond Feist
Faerie Tale - Raymond Feist
The Black Mountain - Rex Stout
Perchance to dream - Robert B Parker
Conan: The Sword of Skelos - Robert E. Howard
Fallon Legacy - Robert Jordan
The Further Chronicles of Conan - Robert Jordan
Conan: The Destroyer - Robert Jordan
The Fallon Blood - Robert Jordan
The Gates of Dawn - Robert Newcomb
Lord Valentine's Castle - Robert Silverberg
Valentine Pontifex - Robert Silverberg
Gilgamesh the King - Robert Silverberg
To Open the Sky - Robert Silverberg
Skin Deep, Blood Red - Robert Skinner
Mad Ship - Robin Hobb
Deerskin - Robin McKinley
The Mask of Loki - Roger Zelazny and Thomas T. Thomas
The Wayfarer Redemption - Sara Douglass
Enchanter - Sara Douglass
Battle Axe - Sara Douglass
The Scorpion - Stephen D. Sullivan
The Wounded Land - Stephen R. Donaldson
The One Tree - Stephen R. Donaldson
White Gold Wielder - Stephen R. Donaldson
Daughter of Regals & Other Tales - Stephen R. Donaldson
Memories of Ice - Steven Erickson
House of Chains - Steven Erickson
Wizard of the Grove - Tanya Huff
First King of Shannara - Terry Brooks
Antrax - Terry Brooks
The Darkness and The Dawn - Thomas B. Costain
A Canticle for Liebowitz - Walter M. Miller Jr.
CS Lewis A Biography - Wilson
Thursday, July 07, 2005
100 things? Really? Wow.
In the spirit of ripping-off that has become the great legacy of In the Now, here are my 100 things about me:
1) I was either named after the singer Liam Clancy or not named after him, depending on if you talk to my mom or my dad
2) I first got drunk at the age of eight. I haven’t been drunk since.
3) My brother once shot me with a B.B. gun. I really don’t think he knew it was loaded. His response to my cries of distress? “If you tell anyone, I’ll shoot you again.”
4) I think I like Johnny Bravo more than I like The Simpsons.
5) I have no feeling on parts of two fingers and part of my right ankle. I stabbed myself through the hand while separating beef patties and surgery took care of my ankle.
6) People falling down generally makes me laugh.
7) My grandma once chased me around, both inside and outside, clapping her hands and yelling “Pants!” I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared.
8) I get free coffee, tea and iced tea at work and I usually only take advantage of the coffee. (and the water)
9) When I was younger, I wanted to be a carpenter or a writer. When I think about it, nothing has changed. I still want to whack nails with a hammer.
10) The only difference between me on the outside and me on the inside is that I babble on the inside.
11) I get scared by the magnitude of some of the things I try to do.
12) I’m going to have a BABY!
13) I actually feel bad for Tom Cruise.
14) I’m still not sure that I want the NHL to come back yet.
15) The worst pain I’ve ever had is a tie between plastic primer in the eye and bleach up the nose.
16) Of the six vehicles I’ve had in my possession, only one was not bought or borrowed from a family member.
17) Every bike I’ve ever owned, except the one in my possession now, has been stolen.
18) Nothing cheers me up more than Nicholas playing with Jack.
19) Neither of the brand-new chairs at work are as good as the wobbly chair I had when I started.
20) On average, I spend more time working per week than sleeping.
21) I get a little thrill when I think of the Intellivision emulator I found. There’s nothing like a block-man running from a block-spider or a blocky triangle shooting at a block-asteroid to make my day.
22) I once flushed a bowl of oysters, angry that someone would take a dump in a bowl and put it on the table. (I was asleep)
23) I once peed in my parents’ fridge (I was asleep)
24) I once challenged my dad to a fight (I was asleep)
25) I used to sleep-walk.
26) Battlefield Earth was the most fun I’ve ever had at a movie theatre.
27) I currently have 90 books to read. I will not buy another book (other than the new Harry Potter, the new Wheel of Time and the new A Song of Ice and Fire) until that number has been halved.
28) I refuse to learn anything about “Feminine Hygiene Products”. I’ll buy them but I don’t need to know the particulars.
29) I’ve had a story bouncing around in my head for twelve years – you’d think I’d just write it already.
30) Getting hit by a car was less traumatic than having my wisdom teeth out. But it hurt more.
31) I’ve never had a Driver’s License picture with a shaven head, despite having a shaven head for the majority of the past eight years.
32) I went from single, broke and living with my parents to married with a kid, a dog and a house in less than two years.
33) Carrollton, Texas is the bane of my existence.
34) Last year, I fought changes in my office. This year, I have no idea why I was fighting so hard.
35) I am thrilled that it’s been a year and the Calgary Flames are STILL the second-best team in the NHL.
36) The worst job I’ve ever had was refereeing soccer.
37) The second-worst job I’ve ever had was as a softball umpire.
38) The best job I’ve ever had was building a golf course. (Sledge hammers and big, big nails – go figure)
39) Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my wedding ring the most.
40) Being a parent is much better than babysitting.
41) I don’t care about downhole drilling tools.
42) My area of greatest weakness is asking for something that I want.
43) My area of greatest strength is typing
44) Given the choice between pizza and steak, I can’t honestly tell you how I would decide at any given moment.
45) There is no joy more pure than rolling over and going back to sleep.
46) I would not remember to eat supper if it were not for my wife.
47) All of the pants that I own have something wrong with them.
48) I’m a better driver than 70% of the people out there – and I’m a crap driver.
49) I’m scared of the United States
50) I’ve learned more about inter-office politics in the past two days than I ever learned before.
51) I have not had any pain in my wrists since coming to my new cubicle. Ergonomics works for me!
52) Any pair of shoes that I have inevitably ends up with the tongues shoved down to the toes and the back wall of the shoe a crumpled ruin because I’m too lazy to untie and tie my shoes.
53) I resolve to shave every three days and when I look up next, it’s been a week.
54) Flash Gordon is my favourite movie.
55) The Eye of the World is my favourite book.
56) I want to cross-stitch more.
57) If I stay in shape, my back hurts less.
58) The second-best day of my life is the day that I bought a PlayStation 2. I bought the PlayStation 2 to cover up the fact that I had also bought an engagement ring. I proposed later that night. Why is it that we men have to trick our fiancées-to-be when we propose?
59) I was wearing a “dress” on the best day of my life.
60) All my computer-using life, I have underestimated the power and usefulness of Power Point.
61) Any graphics I need to create can be made in MS Paint.
62) I have been married 289 days as of this writing – it has been 288 days since the gift-opening and I have not yet written my thank-you cards.
63) My second child is due in 64 days and I’m still trying to let it sink in.
64) Anything important that I write has to be written on paper first.
65) I would rather play football than do just about anything else.
66) I’m no longer a fan of sitting around doing nothing.
67) I miss drawing.
68) I am going to be a Beaver leader in the fall.
69) 25 degrees Celsius is too hot for me.
70) I haven’t played street hockey, which used to be a staple in my life, since Rob Ladner’s bachelor party.
71) It’s been longer than that for football, which I’d rather play.
72) In 2003, I failed to read 50 books, which was my goal, by 1.
73) I’ve finished two Final Fantasy games, 1 and 3 (6 in Japan), despite spending ungodly amounts of time trying to finish various others.
74) I have built two rock-waterfalls, both at the same golf course.
75) I am more proud of the physical things that I’ve made than the programs I’ve designed.
76) If I hadn’t gone to that New Year’s Party, I have NO idea what I’d be doing (or where I’d be) right now.
77) I pay more for student loans than I do for mortgage in a month.
78) I would rather watch Nicholas play soccer than play soccer myself.
79) I am the single most disorganized person in the entire world.
80) I am not a multi-tasker.
81) I’m glad that Kim likes horsey-jumping because then we can watch sports together.
82) I don’t get mad at the police when I get caught speeding.
83) I will wash ten sinks of dishes before doing one load of laundry.
84) I would rather help someone do their work than do mine.
85) I hate I hate I hate I hate loud toys but I don’t resent the fact that we have them since Nicholas likes them.
86) I once got lost in Vancouver but didn’t know I was lost. I was just riding the rides. Having lost Nicholas in Costco, I’m sorry mom and dad.
87) If I knew I only had one day left to live, I would probably not change my routine.
88) If I had a million dollars, I would quit my job and write.
89) My brain refuses to accept that MacDonald’s is bad for me.
90) I cried when Joe Montana retired.
91) Happy Birthday Barbie is a tool of the devil.
92) I am annoyed by people who think their God has no sense of humour.
93) Borscht is the worst garbage ever created.
94) There is no good sports caster. There are degrees of bad, but they’re all bad.
95) I could not do a better job than any sports caster.
96) I hope I never want to play golf again.
97) I don’t want to imagine the circumstances that would cause me to kill someone else.
98) I believe that Professional Wrestling has gone down the tubes and there’s no coming back.
99) I want my own laptop.
100) Having written 99 things about myself, I don’t know that anyone will know me better for having read them.
1) I was either named after the singer Liam Clancy or not named after him, depending on if you talk to my mom or my dad
2) I first got drunk at the age of eight. I haven’t been drunk since.
3) My brother once shot me with a B.B. gun. I really don’t think he knew it was loaded. His response to my cries of distress? “If you tell anyone, I’ll shoot you again.”
4) I think I like Johnny Bravo more than I like The Simpsons.
5) I have no feeling on parts of two fingers and part of my right ankle. I stabbed myself through the hand while separating beef patties and surgery took care of my ankle.
6) People falling down generally makes me laugh.
7) My grandma once chased me around, both inside and outside, clapping her hands and yelling “Pants!” I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared.
8) I get free coffee, tea and iced tea at work and I usually only take advantage of the coffee. (and the water)
9) When I was younger, I wanted to be a carpenter or a writer. When I think about it, nothing has changed. I still want to whack nails with a hammer.
10) The only difference between me on the outside and me on the inside is that I babble on the inside.
11) I get scared by the magnitude of some of the things I try to do.
12) I’m going to have a BABY!
13) I actually feel bad for Tom Cruise.
14) I’m still not sure that I want the NHL to come back yet.
15) The worst pain I’ve ever had is a tie between plastic primer in the eye and bleach up the nose.
16) Of the six vehicles I’ve had in my possession, only one was not bought or borrowed from a family member.
17) Every bike I’ve ever owned, except the one in my possession now, has been stolen.
18) Nothing cheers me up more than Nicholas playing with Jack.
19) Neither of the brand-new chairs at work are as good as the wobbly chair I had when I started.
20) On average, I spend more time working per week than sleeping.
21) I get a little thrill when I think of the Intellivision emulator I found. There’s nothing like a block-man running from a block-spider or a blocky triangle shooting at a block-asteroid to make my day.
22) I once flushed a bowl of oysters, angry that someone would take a dump in a bowl and put it on the table. (I was asleep)
23) I once peed in my parents’ fridge (I was asleep)
24) I once challenged my dad to a fight (I was asleep)
25) I used to sleep-walk.
26) Battlefield Earth was the most fun I’ve ever had at a movie theatre.
27) I currently have 90 books to read. I will not buy another book (other than the new Harry Potter, the new Wheel of Time and the new A Song of Ice and Fire) until that number has been halved.
28) I refuse to learn anything about “Feminine Hygiene Products”. I’ll buy them but I don’t need to know the particulars.
29) I’ve had a story bouncing around in my head for twelve years – you’d think I’d just write it already.
30) Getting hit by a car was less traumatic than having my wisdom teeth out. But it hurt more.
31) I’ve never had a Driver’s License picture with a shaven head, despite having a shaven head for the majority of the past eight years.
32) I went from single, broke and living with my parents to married with a kid, a dog and a house in less than two years.
33) Carrollton, Texas is the bane of my existence.
34) Last year, I fought changes in my office. This year, I have no idea why I was fighting so hard.
35) I am thrilled that it’s been a year and the Calgary Flames are STILL the second-best team in the NHL.
36) The worst job I’ve ever had was refereeing soccer.
37) The second-worst job I’ve ever had was as a softball umpire.
38) The best job I’ve ever had was building a golf course. (Sledge hammers and big, big nails – go figure)
39) Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my wedding ring the most.
40) Being a parent is much better than babysitting.
41) I don’t care about downhole drilling tools.
42) My area of greatest weakness is asking for something that I want.
43) My area of greatest strength is typing
44) Given the choice between pizza and steak, I can’t honestly tell you how I would decide at any given moment.
45) There is no joy more pure than rolling over and going back to sleep.
46) I would not remember to eat supper if it were not for my wife.
47) All of the pants that I own have something wrong with them.
48) I’m a better driver than 70% of the people out there – and I’m a crap driver.
49) I’m scared of the United States
50) I’ve learned more about inter-office politics in the past two days than I ever learned before.
51) I have not had any pain in my wrists since coming to my new cubicle. Ergonomics works for me!
52) Any pair of shoes that I have inevitably ends up with the tongues shoved down to the toes and the back wall of the shoe a crumpled ruin because I’m too lazy to untie and tie my shoes.
53) I resolve to shave every three days and when I look up next, it’s been a week.
54) Flash Gordon is my favourite movie.
55) The Eye of the World is my favourite book.
56) I want to cross-stitch more.
57) If I stay in shape, my back hurts less.
58) The second-best day of my life is the day that I bought a PlayStation 2. I bought the PlayStation 2 to cover up the fact that I had also bought an engagement ring. I proposed later that night. Why is it that we men have to trick our fiancées-to-be when we propose?
59) I was wearing a “dress” on the best day of my life.
60) All my computer-using life, I have underestimated the power and usefulness of Power Point.
61) Any graphics I need to create can be made in MS Paint.
62) I have been married 289 days as of this writing – it has been 288 days since the gift-opening and I have not yet written my thank-you cards.
63) My second child is due in 64 days and I’m still trying to let it sink in.
64) Anything important that I write has to be written on paper first.
65) I would rather play football than do just about anything else.
66) I’m no longer a fan of sitting around doing nothing.
67) I miss drawing.
68) I am going to be a Beaver leader in the fall.
69) 25 degrees Celsius is too hot for me.
70) I haven’t played street hockey, which used to be a staple in my life, since Rob Ladner’s bachelor party.
71) It’s been longer than that for football, which I’d rather play.
72) In 2003, I failed to read 50 books, which was my goal, by 1.
73) I’ve finished two Final Fantasy games, 1 and 3 (6 in Japan), despite spending ungodly amounts of time trying to finish various others.
74) I have built two rock-waterfalls, both at the same golf course.
75) I am more proud of the physical things that I’ve made than the programs I’ve designed.
76) If I hadn’t gone to that New Year’s Party, I have NO idea what I’d be doing (or where I’d be) right now.
77) I pay more for student loans than I do for mortgage in a month.
78) I would rather watch Nicholas play soccer than play soccer myself.
79) I am the single most disorganized person in the entire world.
80) I am not a multi-tasker.
81) I’m glad that Kim likes horsey-jumping because then we can watch sports together.
82) I don’t get mad at the police when I get caught speeding.
83) I will wash ten sinks of dishes before doing one load of laundry.
84) I would rather help someone do their work than do mine.
85) I hate I hate I hate I hate loud toys but I don’t resent the fact that we have them since Nicholas likes them.
86) I once got lost in Vancouver but didn’t know I was lost. I was just riding the rides. Having lost Nicholas in Costco, I’m sorry mom and dad.
87) If I knew I only had one day left to live, I would probably not change my routine.
88) If I had a million dollars, I would quit my job and write.
89) My brain refuses to accept that MacDonald’s is bad for me.
90) I cried when Joe Montana retired.
91) Happy Birthday Barbie is a tool of the devil.
92) I am annoyed by people who think their God has no sense of humour.
93) Borscht is the worst garbage ever created.
94) There is no good sports caster. There are degrees of bad, but they’re all bad.
95) I could not do a better job than any sports caster.
96) I hope I never want to play golf again.
97) I don’t want to imagine the circumstances that would cause me to kill someone else.
98) I believe that Professional Wrestling has gone down the tubes and there’s no coming back.
99) I want my own laptop.
100) Having written 99 things about myself, I don’t know that anyone will know me better for having read them.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Something Else
This is a short story (a short-short story) that I wrote for a contest on an online forum I occasionally browse. The contest was cancelled before it started but they hinted at contest and I started writing. It reminds me of my school days, even if it is a perversion of them.
Enjoy.
(Disclaimer -- It is my claim that this is a work of fictional art. It's like when I sang "Just a Gigolo" in front of my wife. I am not selling my body and I am not obsessed with any former U of L students)
Smile
I see you pass by every day. You look my way and smile. That smile, I swear to God, has the power to stop the sun. You leave a trail of hanging jaws in your wake, young men, longing to do the things of which young men dream. Nevertheless, your smile is for me.
Our time together is precious. Our dates are always short. You have things to do that don’t involve me. I wish they did, I wish I could be involved in everything with you, but the life of a student is a busy one.
Do you remember that one special Saturday? We met in the atrium at the university? We ate lunch. We talked expansively about assignments, professors we hated, and of things that were so important that I cannot recall a word.
What I do remember is the way your eyes sparkle when you laugh, the wrinkle of your nose when you smile at me. I remember the delicate scent of your perfume as we shared our Saturday lunch.
Now, I’m sitting in the same atrium, and I know you’ll be along soon. You always come to the atrium Monday mornings. Sunday was the longest day of my life, waiting to see you again, to feel your smile fall on me with the warmth of a sunny autumn day.
You approach and I ache to tell you how I feel. You are absolutely breathtaking. I open my mouth as you near. The perfume is intoxicating. Your eyes sparkle. My throat catches as I move to catch your attention. I can say nothing as you smile down at me, seated at my usual table.
And then you are gone. You take your customary seat at the other end of the atrium, striking up a conversation with one of your friends. Realizing my mouth has been open the entire time, I close it in embarrassment. A thousand imagined conversations fly through my head as I realize, once again, that the people you sit with are actually worth your time.
I’m worth your smile.
Enjoy.
(Disclaimer -- It is my claim that this is a work of fictional art. It's like when I sang "Just a Gigolo" in front of my wife. I am not selling my body and I am not obsessed with any former U of L students)
Smile
I see you pass by every day. You look my way and smile. That smile, I swear to God, has the power to stop the sun. You leave a trail of hanging jaws in your wake, young men, longing to do the things of which young men dream. Nevertheless, your smile is for me.
Our time together is precious. Our dates are always short. You have things to do that don’t involve me. I wish they did, I wish I could be involved in everything with you, but the life of a student is a busy one.
Do you remember that one special Saturday? We met in the atrium at the university? We ate lunch. We talked expansively about assignments, professors we hated, and of things that were so important that I cannot recall a word.
What I do remember is the way your eyes sparkle when you laugh, the wrinkle of your nose when you smile at me. I remember the delicate scent of your perfume as we shared our Saturday lunch.
Now, I’m sitting in the same atrium, and I know you’ll be along soon. You always come to the atrium Monday mornings. Sunday was the longest day of my life, waiting to see you again, to feel your smile fall on me with the warmth of a sunny autumn day.
You approach and I ache to tell you how I feel. You are absolutely breathtaking. I open my mouth as you near. The perfume is intoxicating. Your eyes sparkle. My throat catches as I move to catch your attention. I can say nothing as you smile down at me, seated at my usual table.
And then you are gone. You take your customary seat at the other end of the atrium, striking up a conversation with one of your friends. Realizing my mouth has been open the entire time, I close it in embarrassment. A thousand imagined conversations fly through my head as I realize, once again, that the people you sit with are actually worth your time.
I’m worth your smile.
Two roads diverged in a wood and I- umm...
“The future is cloudy. Two realities present themselves – each equally likely, each with its challenges. The future is out of your hands. The future of your career balances on a razor. Will you find your niche or will you continue to float along, hoping for something better? You have made your choice, now they must make theirs.”
This is the truth. The possibilities are twofold. Will the request for a 25% increase be granted or will it be denied? The first possibility provides with me in a supervisory role, officially, and the second means that I will reject the promotion, return to the position of Document Specialist and look for (and eventually find) another job.
I have thought long and hard about both possibilities and how I would react. Here are my thoughts:
The New Managerial Me
Well, it worked. I pulled the wool over their eyes long enough for them to lose their minds completely and I’ve been promoted to the position of “Data Management Supervisor”. This means that I set policy for Engineering Changes, Print Requests, New Product Development and Test Procedures, as they affect Document Control. Basically, I’m in charge of two people and I get to tell a bunch of engineers what to do. I’ve been doing most of this job for the past year at my regular salary. Since February, I’ve been working seven hours of overtime per week, on average, which has boosted my salary considerably. They didn’t take this into consideration when offering me the position in the first place, but when I explained to my boss (Ed) that taking the smaller raise that he’d offered would result in a pay-cut, he understood and made it work.
I’ve been working my butt off, and it paid off. I’m glad to be here and I don’t see myself going anywhere soon. After all, I get a say in how things work now. (Not that I didn’t before but all my “decisions” were suggestions then and now I can actually put them into practice). Official Suggestion from Houston:
This could have been my biography. I’m always looking for an easier way to do things. Automatic means less chance for me to screw it up with a typo. And copying processes means that I don’t have to come up with them from nowhere. I’m all over that. Strong? Hell, I’m strong enough for two Documentation Mangers. And passion – Well, we all know I’m all about the passion. YEAH!
Now, maybe I can pay my property tax.
New Horizons on the Plain… um… yeah…
I’m not going to pretend that I’m not disappointed. I wanted that job. I don’t know where Document Control is going to go with itself now. I’ll continue to do my work but Bryan’s work is now officially out of my hands. All of the work I’ve done with Document Control processes becomes recommendations to the new Manager. It was nice of them to offer me the position – recognition is always nice, even if they can’t back it up with anything concrete. I can’t afford to take a pay cut, though, even if it means that down the road I’ll be making more money. Not to sound greedy, but I need it now.
On to bigger and better things, I guess. I’ll find another job, hopefully something where I can actually USE my degree. And Halliburton will continue to be Halliburton, whether I’m setting process or some other bum is. Who knows? Maybe processes will be driven from Houston and we can pretend we’ve got a hundred engineers and a drafting office of fifty.
I will miss Donut Day and the free coffee, though.
So, depending on what happens, I’ve got my rote response to cover it. Of course, I can’t say for sure what will happen if either of those possibilities comes to fruition but I think they’re both fairly close.
I’ll update you all when I hear more. Until then, I’ll find something else to talk about.
This is the truth. The possibilities are twofold. Will the request for a 25% increase be granted or will it be denied? The first possibility provides with me in a supervisory role, officially, and the second means that I will reject the promotion, return to the position of Document Specialist and look for (and eventually find) another job.
I have thought long and hard about both possibilities and how I would react. Here are my thoughts:
The New Managerial Me
Well, it worked. I pulled the wool over their eyes long enough for them to lose their minds completely and I’ve been promoted to the position of “Data Management Supervisor”. This means that I set policy for Engineering Changes, Print Requests, New Product Development and Test Procedures, as they affect Document Control. Basically, I’m in charge of two people and I get to tell a bunch of engineers what to do. I’ve been doing most of this job for the past year at my regular salary. Since February, I’ve been working seven hours of overtime per week, on average, which has boosted my salary considerably. They didn’t take this into consideration when offering me the position in the first place, but when I explained to my boss (Ed) that taking the smaller raise that he’d offered would result in a pay-cut, he understood and made it work.
I’ve been working my butt off, and it paid off. I’m glad to be here and I don’t see myself going anywhere soon. After all, I get a say in how things work now. (Not that I didn’t before but all my “decisions” were suggestions then and now I can actually put them into practice). Official Suggestion from Houston:
The need for a strong Documentation Manger(sic.) should be a high priority; currently vacant. This person will need be tasked with continually improving the documentation process; automate as much as possible and copy processes from other sites when applicable. This person must also be strong enough to stick with the process when confronted by Mfg. and Engineering to take risky shortcuts. They should also have a passion about improving/automating the documentation process.
This could have been my biography. I’m always looking for an easier way to do things. Automatic means less chance for me to screw it up with a typo. And copying processes means that I don’t have to come up with them from nowhere. I’m all over that. Strong? Hell, I’m strong enough for two Documentation Mangers. And passion – Well, we all know I’m all about the passion. YEAH!
Now, maybe I can pay my property tax.
New Horizons on the Plain… um… yeah…
I’m not going to pretend that I’m not disappointed. I wanted that job. I don’t know where Document Control is going to go with itself now. I’ll continue to do my work but Bryan’s work is now officially out of my hands. All of the work I’ve done with Document Control processes becomes recommendations to the new Manager. It was nice of them to offer me the position – recognition is always nice, even if they can’t back it up with anything concrete. I can’t afford to take a pay cut, though, even if it means that down the road I’ll be making more money. Not to sound greedy, but I need it now.
On to bigger and better things, I guess. I’ll find another job, hopefully something where I can actually USE my degree. And Halliburton will continue to be Halliburton, whether I’m setting process or some other bum is. Who knows? Maybe processes will be driven from Houston and we can pretend we’ve got a hundred engineers and a drafting office of fifty.
I will miss Donut Day and the free coffee, though.
So, depending on what happens, I’ve got my rote response to cover it. Of course, I can’t say for sure what will happen if either of those possibilities comes to fruition but I think they’re both fairly close.
I’ll update you all when I hear more. Until then, I’ll find something else to talk about.
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